Thirteen and Dreaming
What you focus on often eventually becomes your reality.
What starts as a thought, moves to a belief and can end up affecting the person you become. The first time I noticed this principal at work in my life was when I was in middle school. At age 13 going to school seemed pointless. But there was one class that I looked forward to. That was Mr. Marcos’ Health class. He would speak about caring for yourself or planning for the future, and I would listen. What's more I believed in what he said.
One day, Mr. Marcos asked our class to make a list of our unique talents. After that our homework was to write a list of things we hoped to accomplish in our life. Now THIS was a homework assignment I could get behind!
When I got home I brainstormed about the many things I hoped to do. As I began to write them down, one of my dreams kept coming to the front of my mind. But I kept pushing it away. “No,'' I told myself, “you don't want to write that one down. What if he asks you to read it for the class!” I decided that was not about to happen. Nobody knew, and it would stay that way.
You see, what nobody knew was after school I went to modeling class. The same girl that walked the school halls with her head down, was a girl who also loved walking the runway. Modeling class was the only place I could forget about my parents divorce. I could escape from the responsibility of caring for my younger brother and sisters when my mom worked the graveyard shift. On stage and on camera I felt alive! My big dream was that I wanted to be in a commercial or on the cover of a magazine one day.
That was a dream I held close to my heart. A future goal that I couldn't get myself to write on my homework page. So instead I came up with another plan. I decided I would write some of the other things that I want to do on that paper. Then I would wait for after class and talk to Mr. Marcos face to face about my dream.
Sitting in that class the next day, I could not wait for the bell to ring. I looked forward to finally saying it out loud. I wondered how Mr. Marcos would react. Finally, the bell rang, and all the kids scurried out of the room. When every last student had left I approached the front of the class where Mr. Marcos was cleaning the white board, “Mr. Marcos, can I talk to you please?”
I took one more deep breath and said, “I have one more dream that I didn't put on that paper. I think it would be fun to be in a commercial or in a magazine someday.” Mr. Marcos smiled, leaned down to my eye level and said, “Well Cher, the purpose of that assignment was to think of things that are realistic. That honestly might not be realistic for you.”
As I walked away, I shook my head in disappointment.
My first reaction was that I was even more eager to get to my next modeling class where I could do what I loved! I decided that Mr. Markos didn't know what he was talking about. But what I didn't realize was that at that moment, something had changed within me. On a subconscious level, my focus shifted.
I didn't know anything had changed. I kept going to modeling class and continued to think it would be nice to be in a commercial. But from that moment on, another small voice whispered in my ear, ``Remember Cher, it might not be realistic.” And after that thought pattern repeated itself for a while, I was less and less motivated, until I stopped pursuing modeling all together. Little by little I went from dreaming big to measuring my decisions on what seemed realistic. What started as a thought, became a focus.
And what I focused on eventually became my reality.
I never forgot that conversation with Mr. Marcos. It replayed in my thoughts for years after. I always thought it was because I was so disappointed that a teacher I looked up to shot my dream down. But that was more than just that. I remembered this conversation because his words created an entire new narrative that stuck with me from that moment on.
My mind started looking for ideas and goals that were realistic, and what it looked for it found! The human mind is powerful, but with all the images and sounds rushing in 24-7, our mind is only able to focus on what it recognizes as most important. So as we go about our day it ranks the importance of everything we see and do and shifts our focus based on what we are currently valuing.
The Reticular Activating System
This is all thanks to The Reticular Activating System (RAS) that is within every human.
RAS is the reason that if we were playing a game of I SPY right now, and I asked you to look for the color blue, your mind would immediately move right to the blue things in the room. You would see things you didn't even notice only moments earlier. Technically your eyes saw each of those blue things earlier, but your mind didn't find that information important, so you passed right over it. You saw blue all around you. Much like my young mind began to notice the “more realistic” options after Mr. Marcos' response to my dream.
Use The Power Of Suggestion For The Good
As I connected the dots and understood why that was a powerful memory, I began to ponder another question. What if we could utilize this power of suggestion for the good? What if people were more deliberate about what they chose to think about each day? If we did this more often in a deliberate way then we would be able to capitalize on the Reticular Activating System to train our mind to notice the information that will be most helpful. So I started practicing this in my own life and as a result, my personal growth skyrocketed. Up until this day, I feel the ongoing shift within me as I continue to become a better version of myself.
You too can tap into what I now refer to as The Focused Mindset. After all, the one thing you can control is yourself. In fact, you can take it a step further and be deliberate about the words you speak to those you love. Realize that your words are powerful. Speak words of negativity and dread into kids, and their fragile mind will likely tuck those words away and store them as important. When instead you speak words of encouragement and belief, their mind will remember that. So decide what you value and focus on that each day. And then give your best to those you love. Choose your words wisely remembering that they make an impact on those who listen.
Giving Back
Parenting With The Focused Mindset Podcast is my way of paying it forward to you. Learn about how the solution-focused mindset will help you focus on what really matters. Click HERE to hear episode 4: What Is The Focused Mindset where I share the entire story of Mr. Marcos. I'm here for you as you grow into the best version of yourself each day. If you haven't already Join The Focused Mindset Community absolutely free. You will have access to my groups and receive encouragement and communication from me each month. Plus The Focused Mindset Community that helps me with the topics in my podcast. You can reach out and communicate with me anytime. I'll see you there!
